Babysittin' Job

For the last several days I've done literally nothing productive except maybe entertain the kids, because right this very second I'm with 6 of them. luckily they are all sleeping. My vacation is starting to get wrapped up, my biggest complaint is that it wasn't several times longer. The bars are closing down in about 5 minutes which means the kids parents should be home soon. I just hope they can hold out that long with no trouble, shouldn't be a problem because they're sleeping. Its nice that the job was quite, I don't like having to be the jerk. Not with the kids anyway. I think my journey towards serenity has been at least partially successful, I'm now hoping it survives the trip home. I will miss my family, friends and home very much when i leave, I hope to see them all again soon.

Silent Mountain

Amazing how this trying to get my head on straight thing works. I've been used as the shoulder to cry on by three people in the last week. Two of them were ex-girlfriends and the other was the only one with a reason i felt merited crying. I guess everyone needs to let loose sometimes, and some people have trouble accepting that fact of themselves. I always wonder how many people there are in the world who would do that for a former significant other. Is it arrogance to say i think the number would be very small? I don't think so. My relaxation has worked fairly well, it has been interrupted a couple times by automotive difficulties. The mountains are still the closest place to heaven on earth. Its a good place to get my mind straight. I hope I am ready to focus when work comes back up. I think i will be. Until then life will be good either way. I'm not worried right now.

Preparation

Today we did 2 days worth of maintainence 1 TBI baseline which is basically a test to see if how you think, so if you have a head injury they can know where your supposed to be after rehab. we did a 2 mile run. im getting packed to go on leave in 3 1/2 more hours. i probably wont post every day on vacation. but i hope to have my head straitened out in alot of ways when i come back. We will be starting preparation to leave in earnest, and i need to be ready for whats to come, its going to be a long year soon. I try to roll with it though. I've always been a really intense person, but im trying to calm down lately. i hope it works.

Cry Havoc

Today we started packing and moving gear. This weekend I go on leave. It will be an emotional for a lot of people as it will be the last time I see them before I deploy. For me it will be a time of meditation, relaxation and family. Soon I will be let slip. Its isn't nearly as bad as I make it sound, Iraq is a pretty cold zone right now. I would have a higher chance of combat in my own nations capitol. That said Iraq is still officially an active combat zone, and things change in the middle east overnight sometimes so we will see. Either way i will be flying, which is the only thing that keeps me coming to work every day right now.

Love Like You've Never Been Hurt

Dance like no ones watching
Sing like no ones listening
Love like you've never been hurt
Live like its heaven on Earth

I am finally starting to see a pattern in myself, relationship-wise I always jump in head first, completely and immediately, usually before there is even a real relationship there. My biggest commitment issue is that I do so far too quickly, before a potential significant other could possibly be ready, and I commit myself with everything. I guess you could say I become obsessed, which is extremely bad when someone is not ready on the other end. It creates awkwardness and complication, and the result is often painful. I find that for me the love is worth it, but i tend to hurt someone else in the process and I'm not always sure that is. It is definitely the most painful part for me, when its painful for them too. I've always wondered if that was odd during a break up, to care more for the feelings of the one dumping you than your own. I guess the good news is I am able to follow Mark Twain's advice better than most people can dream of. Love like you've never been hurt. Live like its heaven on Earth.

Not a morning person

Last night i didn't sleep till about 5 am after which i had to wake up at 6:30 for PT i got up with no time to spare threw on some cloths and sprinted as fast as i could out to PT, somehow messing up my back on the way, only to find it canceled when i got there. I start vacation in 4 days, I'm starting to think thats exactly what I need to clear my mind right now.

Butterflies

Butterflies are meant to be a free creatures, it isn't right to have them confined in my stomach but i guess some people can just have that effect. It's actually a relatively new sensation for me, I've honestly never felt it just talking to someone like that before. If i seem to be rambling randomly I guess i just don't know what to say or how to say it until i know more. Until then I will eagerly wait to experience what happens next.

Fate

Have you ever had the feeling something was going to happen. Sometimes you just know, and can't explain why, or your planning on doing something and it gets set in motion by someone else. I find it to be proof of something greater. Something that guides us to where we are supposed to be. It's either that or I'm convincing myself because i want that to be it. Hard to say.

Introduction

Hi I'm Alan. I've never actually really done a blog before so i guess i should start with and introduction. I am a 22 year old UH60 Blackhawk gunner. I have done one tour in iraq and am preparing for a second, so lately I've been doing a lot of flying and landing in snow dust and practicing shooting things. I'm hoping this time to keep some form of record of this portion of my life, so io thought this would be as good as any.